FEELING LONELY? – How to combat my loneliness

Everyone knows what loneliness means and how it feels. Loneliness does not discriminate and is not necessarily a result of you being alone, because we can still feel lonely amongst a group of people. Sadly, the COVID-19 lockdown has increased the loneliness for many.

Being married or in a relationship helps you to not feel alone, but it does not guarantee that you won’t feel lonely. So what is the cause of feeling lonely?


Some factors of loneliness include (but are not limited to):

1. Being introverted 

Some people are introverted and finding it challenging to start a conversation, so they tend to withdraw and wait for others to approach them. When there is no one approaching them, that can often reinforce negative messages and result in them withdrawing even more.

2. Too much worry 

I have learned in my 23 years of counselling people from different backgrounds and cultures, that those who are lonely often exhibit too much worry or analyse too much of what other people might think about them. So they often face some difficulties in forming friendships.

3. Lack of confidence

If you lack confidence, it will impact on how you present yourself and make it difficult to express your thoughts and feelings, which then impacts your need for friendships.

4. Emotional Disconnection in the marriage/relationship  

Some couples are caught up in their busy-ness and in the pressures of life, with work and raising families, that over the years they don’t nurture their relationship. This can slowly result in them being emotionally disconnected.

So how to combat my loneliness?


There are some practical steps that you can try and see whether it helps to reduce your loneliness:

1. To approach than waiting to be approached

Yes, it is hard to come forward when you are an introvert, but it doesn’t mean you cannot change and learn how to approach others or join a social group. This can include things such as asking questions rather than waiting for someone to ask you questions, join a bushwalking group, etc. Remember, it takes two to tango! I was an introvert myself, but through the years, I have learned how to approach others, and that has paid off.

2. Stop using other people’s “glasses”

If you are a person who likes analysing what other people think about you which may not necessarily be based on reality, then throw away those “glasses” and learn to believe based on fact.

3. Build your confidence

Being assertive can increase your confidence. It means you taking the risk of being open and honest about how you feel and sharing your thoughts. If you have past experiences that have impacted your confidence, then seeking professional help is worth trying.

4. Rekindle your emotional connection

If you have lost the emotional connection in your relationship, it is still possible to rekindle it. Remember, a marriage/relationship also needs its friendship. There are some tips on how to rekindle your emotional connection in this link ⇒ https://www.newroadscounselling.com.au/how-to-rekindle-the-emotional-connection-in-my-relationship-marriage/ 

Remember, it will take some time and effort for you to combat your loneliness. So don’t give up yet!