Both research and experience show that when people with anger problems change their self-talk, their anger de-escalates and they regain control. When you notice your cues escalating or start to feel angry, take a TIME-OUT and read these statements to yourself.
  1. I don’t need to prove myself in this situation. I can stay calm.
  2. As long as I keep my cool, I am in control of myself.
  3. No need to doubt myself, what other people say doesn’t matter. I’m the only person who can make me mad or keep me calm.
  4. Time to relax and slow things down. Take a time out if I get uptight or start to notice my cues.
  5. My anger is a signal. Time to talk to myself and to relax.
  6. I don’t need to feel threatened here. I can relax and stay cool.
  7. Nothing says I have to be competent and strong all the time. It’s okay to feel unsure or confused.
  8. It’s impossible to control other people and situations. The ONLY thing I can control is myself and how I express my feelings.
  9. It’s okay to be uncertain or insecure sometimes. I don’t need to be in control of everything and everybody.
  10. If people criticise me, I can survive that. Nothing says that I have to be perfect.
  11. If this person wants to go off the wall, that’s their thing. I don’t need to respond to their anger or feel threatened.
  12. When I get into an argument, I can use my control plan and know what to do. I can take a time-out.
  13. Most things we argue about are stupid and insignificant. I can recognize that my anger comes from having my old primary feelings re-stimulated. It’s okay to walk away from this fight.
  14. It’s nice to have other people’s love and approval, but even without it, I can still accept and like MYSELF.
  15. People put erasers on the end of pencils for a reason; it’s okay to make mistakes.
  16. People are going to act the way they want to, not the way I want.
  17. I feel angry, that must mean I have been hurt, scared or have some other primary feeling.