Both research and experience show that when people with anger problems change their self-talk, their anger de-escalates and they regain control. When you notice your cues escalating or start to feel angry, take a TIME-OUT and read these statements to yourself.
- I don’t need to prove myself in this situation. I can stay calm.
- As long as I keep my cool, I am in control of myself.
- No need to doubt myself, what other people say doesn’t matter. I’m the only person who can make me mad or keep me calm.
- Time to relax and slow things down. Take a time out if I get uptight or start to notice my cues.
- My anger is a signal. Time to talk to myself and to relax.
- I don’t need to feel threatened here. I can relax and stay cool.
- Nothing says I have to be competent and strong all the time. It’s okay to feel unsure or confused.
- It’s impossible to control other people and situations. The ONLY thing I can control is myself and how I express my feelings.
- It’s okay to be uncertain or insecure sometimes. I don’t need to be in control of everything and everybody.
- If people criticise me, I can survive that. Nothing says that I have to be perfect.
- If this person wants to go off the wall, that’s their thing. I don’t need to respond to their anger or feel threatened.
- When I get into an argument, I can use my control plan and know what to do. I can take a time-out.
- Most things we argue about are stupid and insignificant. I can recognize that my anger comes from having my old primary feelings re-stimulated. It’s okay to walk away from this fight.
- It’s nice to have other people’s love and approval, but even without it, I can still accept and like MYSELF.
- People put erasers on the end of pencils for a reason; it’s okay to make mistakes.
- People are going to act the way they want to, not the way I want.
- I feel angry, that must mean I have been hurt, scared or have some other primary feeling.