Being confident is not being arrogant or superior, but knowing who you are with your strengths and weaknesses, having the ability to face life’s challenges and daring to show who you really are. It means measuring yourself according to your reality, not boasting nor playing down yourself. However, many struggle with confidence and tend to rely on others’ opinions or measures of themselves through social media in order to build their confidence.
WHAT MAKES SOMEONE LACK CONFIDENCE
There are some factors why someone does not have confidence:
1. Upbringing.
Sometimes as parents we are not aware of our comments and treatment of our children that can impact on their confidence.
2. Traumatic experiences.
Lacking confidence can stem from abusive experiences, including physical, emotional, sexual abuse, and even neglect. Children whose parents are separated or divorce may develop lack of confidence.
3. Environmental cause.
Lack of confidence can also be impacted by life problems, e.g. health issues, losing a job, addictions (e.g. alcohol, drug, gambling, sex), etc.
HOW TO BUILD MY CONFIDENCE
1. List all your strengths and weaknesses.
Often we cannot be objective enough to see our strengths and weaknesses. Some can list their strengths but struggle to see their shortcomings and become arrogant, while others who lack confidence are very good in listing their weaknesses and struggle to see their strengths. So ask someone who knows you well to look at your list and to give you objective feedback.
2. Stop comparing and accept yourself as who you are.
Stop comparing yourself with others. Remember, no one is perfect and everyone is unique. Accept your strengths as you accept your weaknesses equally, that will help you to build your confidence immensely.
3. List your achievements.
Listing your achievements can help you to correct your distorted/wrong belief about yourself.
4. Evaluate your expectations.
People who lack confidence often have a high expectation of themselves and as they can’t reach their goal, they lose their confidence. By lowering your expectations you allow yourself to reach that small goal, helping you feel a sense of achievement that can boost your confidence.
If your lack of confidence impacts your life badly, seeking professional help is worth a try.