HOW TO REKINDLE THE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION IN MY RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE

Relationships can often lack emotional connection, particularly when you have been in the relationship for an extended time. Many of my couple clients come for counselling because they feel emotionally disconnected with each other. But the question is, should we be emotionally connected with our partner all the time? Is there something wrong when we are not emotionally connected? What does a relationship mean then if we have lost the emotional connection completely?

One of the reasons why we are with our partner in the first place is because we emotionally connected with him/her, and not with others. However, as life goes on with its busy-ness and pressures, we neglect the importance of nurturing our emotional relationship.  Even more, an accumulation of unresolved arguments and fights will impact the emotional connection.

So, is it possible to rekindle a lost emotional connection?

The answer is YES, it is possible!

HERE ARE SOME PRACTICAL STEPS THAT CAN REKINDLE YOUR EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH YOUR PARTNER

 1. LISTENING and NOT FIXING

To be able to listen means you focus on the person and not on the story. If you put your attention on the story, you will be tempted to fix the other person’s problem. Everyone wants to be listened to by the other person. However, often men (not all) tend to fix their partner’s issues (“Mr Fix-It”), while women tend to improve everything, even though things are good ( “Mrs Improvement”). But what is vital here is active listening!

2. UNDERSTANDING and NOT JUDGING

Understanding means staying away from judging your partner, whether they are right or wrong. It is about understanding your partner’s experience and how they feel. So put yourself in their situation to understand how they feel.

3. RESPONDING and NOT REACTING

When you understand your partner’s experience, you will then be able to respond. If you think about yourself, you will probably react. To respond will require you to think about what is the other person’s needs and not yours.

4. ENGAGING and NOT DISMISSING

When you can respond to your partner, that means you are engaging with them. Dismissing your partner’s experience and stories will disconnect you emotionally from them. Some of my couples clients said that rather than saying the wrong thing, it’s better to be quiet or say “hm,hm….”, but this approach won’t help you to connect emotionally, and in fact can disconnect you from your partner even more.

Yes, we cannot connect emotionally with our partner all the time. Still, we must evaluate and learn to nurture our emotional relationship with the above practical steps. (These steps can be used in your parenting too).

However, if it is too challenging to rekindle your emotional relationship with yourselves, then seek some professional help from an experienced Psychotherapist/Couple Counsellor.

You are welcome to leave your comment or questions in the box below.