Have you been feeling angry lately? Does it concern you? Have you ever wondered what to deal with your anger constructively? and why do some people get angry quickly?

Often our anger is related to something else than the anger itself. There are many other feelings under the anger, for instance: feeling hurt, frustrated, disappointed, stressed, rejected, bereaved, loss, fear, insecure, violated, vulnerable, powerless, etc.  We are so easily caught up with our anger that we do not look at the reason beneath our anger. Therefore, anger is known as a secondary feeling rather than a primary feeling.

Is being angry a bad thing?

Anger itself is not bad, there is nothing wrong in feeling angry. However, how we express that anger can be good or bad for ourselves and for others. In fact, addressing and expressing anger constructively is healthy for our well-being and relationships. Whereas suppressing it can lead to emotional explosion and depression and it will impact our relationship with others.


Here are some practical steps to manage your anger

  1. Recognising the trigger.

Ask yourself – what is triggering my anger at this moment? What is it related to? Where does it stem from? What does it remind me of? By recognising your trigger will help you to address the underneath issue rather than just lashing out your anger, which will increase your confidence and your relationship with others.

  1. Learning your cues

Pay attention – which part of your body carries most of the tension or feels uptight? Noticing your cues can save you from regretting the unwanted words and behaviours that can hurt your loved ones, others and yourself. Once you know what your signals are, then you can take the next step below to prevent your anger explosion.

  1. Take a Time-Out

There are different ways to take a Time-Out. However, you can do the quickest Time-Out” by counting 1-20 slowly before you say or do anything. While you are counting, concentrate on your body part that carries the tension or uptightness and try to relax it by letting go of those tensions. Maybe wiggling or shaking or just simply paying attention to that part of your body can help you relax. However, it is recommendable for you to take the proper TIME-OUT (click on the link or go to the Resources button on this website).

  1. Do Self-Talk

It sounds crazy, but the Self-Talk can de-escalate your anger and can help you regain control of yourself. Here some of the SELF-TALK are: (click on the link for some additional Self-Talk resources).

  • “I don’t need to prove myself in this situation, I can stay calm”
  • “As long as I keep my cool, I am in control of myself”
  • “It’s impossible to control other people and situations. The ONLY thing I can control is myself and how I express my feelings”
  • “It’s nice to have other’s love and approval, but even without it, I can still accept and LIKE myself”
  • “If people criticise me, I can survive that. Nothing says that I have to be perfect”
  • “I don’t need to feel threatened here. I can relax and stay cool”

If you find that it is challenging to work on your anger by yourself, you could get help from Professional Counselling. If you have questions about anger management or you would like to share your thoughts, please use the comments section below or contact us.