Does apologising matter for a relationship? YES, absolutely! A remorseful apology matters for a healthy relationship. Every relationship will experience some conflict throughout its lifetime. Some people believe that apologising does matter and is essential to mend the relationship. However, others are reluctant to apologise and sweep issues under the carpet, hoping that it will go away with time. They don’t realise that even though the other person may be very forgiving without an apology, it will slowly affect the relationship over time. We often focus on apologising for the content of what is said or done and not for the process or the message that we give to others through what we say or do.
WHAT CAUSES PEOPLE TO BE RELUCTANT TO APOLOGISE
There are many factors that make someone unwilling to apologise, such as:
1. Pointing fingers
When conflict happens, we often look at the other person’s mistake or wrongdoing rather than our own first, causing the idea of apologising to fall off the radar.
2. Holding their pride tightly
Another common reason is their pride or ego, so they pretend they are not the only one who is wrong or make the other person seem wrong too.
3. Wrong belief
Some may find it hard to apologise because it implies that you are at fault if you apologise. Others believe that an apology won’t make any difference to their relationship. Instead, they think that doing something good for the hurt person or resuming normal conversation is a way to admit that they are wrong without saying “I am sorry”. They expect that the other person will get over it.
4. Issues of insecurity
Often people who refuse to apologise also have some issues of insecurity. They think that if they apologise, it adds to their wrongdoing.
On the other hand, some others are quite the opposite – they apologise very quickly, even when they are not at fault. This group of people are often prepared to swallow their pride or their ego to make their relationship ok, rather than enduring the tension. People who apologise too quickly can become an enabler for the other person to NOT to take any responsibility for what they have done wrong.
DOES AN APOLOGY MATTER FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?
YES, an apology DOES matter for a relationship to become healthier because:
1. An apology can heal the hurt
An apology can heal the hurt you have caused to the other person and restore your relationship. Like a physical wound, this “emotional wound” in the relationship needs healing, and a heartfelt apology can help to recover the wound and to grow the relationship stronger.
2. An apology can build trust
An apology can build trust in your relationship because it can help the wounded person feel safe and hope that the person won’t repeat the same mistake.
3. An apology can bring respect
Apologising is not only an expression of respecting the other person but will also bring respect to yourself, e.g. parents who apologise to their children will earn respect from their children.
4. An apology can increase your self-confidence
Many believe that by NOT apologising, they can keep their face and become confident. It is quite the opposite, as you won’t feel good about yourself by not apologising, causing you to feel less secure.
5. An apology brings closeness
An apology brings closeness to your relationship because it brings healing, trust and respect for each other.
Remember, apologising is not just a matter of saying “I’m sorry”, but it has to come from a remorseful heart that aims to build a healthy relationship!
Remorse means you:
1. Acknowledge your wrongdoing
2. Deeply regret
4. Change your behaviour.
If you have problems in your relationship and it seems like there is no way out, or if you have any comments on this topic, you can use the column below, and we are happy to respond to you.