Every relationship, whether at a personal level or professional level, will experience some conflict throughout their lifetime. Some people try to resolve their conflict by apologising, and others by ignoring it or putting it under the carpet and hoping that their issue will go away with time.

WHAT CAUSES PEOPLE TO STRUGGLE WITH APOLOGISING?

When conflict happens, we commonly look at the other person’s mistake or wrongdoing rather than our own first, causing the idea of apologising the fall off the radar. Others may find it hard to apologise because it implies that you are at fault. Another common reason is their pride or ego, and the expectation that the other person will get over it. There are also some who believe that an apology won’t make any difference in their relationship, and instead, think that doing something good for the hurt person or resuming normal conversation is a way to show the hurt person that they are wrong without saying “I am sorry”. Often people who refuse to apologise also have some insecurity issues.

On the other hand, there are some who are quite the opposite – they apologise very quickly, even when they are not at fault. This group of people are often prepared to swallow their pride or their ego to make their relationship ok, rather than enduring the tension. People who apologise too quickly can become an enabler for the other person NOT to take any responsibility for what they have done wrong, and this doesn’t help them to apologise.

DOES AN APOLOGY MATTER FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?

YES, an apology DOES matter for a healthy relationship. Why? Because:

1. An apology can heal the hurt you caused to the other person, and restore your relationship. Just like a physical wound, this “emotional wound” in the relationship needs healing, and a heartfelt apology can help achieve a healthy relationship.
2. An apology can build the trust in your relationship. Apologising can help the wounded person feel safe in the relationship.
3. An apology can bring respect. Having a big and a humble heart that apologises will bring honour to yourself, e.g. parents who apologise to their children will bring respect from their children, thus helping their children to honour them as parents.
4. An apology brings closeness to a relationship because of the trust and respect. Remember, trust and respect needs to be earned!
5. An apology can increase your self- confidence. Many believe by NOT apologising they can keep their face and confidence. In fact, it is quite the opposite, as you won’t feel good about yourself, causing you to feel less confident.

Remember, apologising is not just a matter of saying “I’m sorry”, but it has to come from a remorseful heart that aims to build a healthy relationship!

If you have problems in your relationship and it seems like there is no way out, or if you have any comments on this topic, you can use the column below, and we are happy to respond to you.